Never a dull moment

Surgery is over and went well. The mastectomy was easier than I thought it would be. I was in the hospital for 2 days after surgery so it was not the best way to spend my 39th birthday but so many friends came to visit me which helped. I had surgery on Thursday, released on Saturday and started the reconstruction phase that Monday. The expanders were placed in during surgery and were pumped quite a bit during the process so I walked out of the mastectomy with cleavage. I couldnt believe it. My port was also taken out so I was pretty happy.

During the recovery process, we bought a camper so we have spent alot of time at the lake with the kids and some great friends. They have seemed to enjoy it and we have already made so many memories. The summer ended quickly especially when I was out of commission for 3 of the 6 weeks they had. I hated to see them go back but the kids were excited to get back into the routine and it was nice to see our school friends and parents that we had not seen during the summer.

This weekend started out great and then I had a minor setback. My incision opened up last week and when I went to the dr, they just tried to close it with surgical tape. It happened again Saturday and caused a bacteria infection so the expander had to be taken out. Apparently my skin was weak and the blood didnt circulate good at the incision site. It was a small piece that opened but it only took a second of exposure before the infection set in. It was a good thing I did not emerge my body into the lake water-no telling what would have happened then. I noticed the site had opened and I had a lot of drainage so I called after hours and went to the office on Sat afternoon. Little did I know that the Dr would cut me open right there and then. I was awake (but numb) and I was so scared. What a weird day Saturday turned out to be. Now I have to wait at least 6-8 weeks to start the reconstruction part.........all over again!

I am hoping to update the blog more often and hate that I only seem to update when I am posting bad news. I will work on that and try to post a "just because" post.

Surgery

Feeling better everyday. I have a lot of energy and focusing on getting things done before surgery since I know I will not feel like doing anything for awhile. Surgery is scheduled for July 8th. I will have a double mastectomy with reconstruction. Sounds like a lot but it will be worth it. If I don't have the surgery, the chance of any cancer cells coming back is 80%. If I have the surgery, the chance goes down to 2%. Pretty much a no brainer to me.

Looking forward to when all of this is behind me. Hard to believe it has been almost a year since I was diagnosed with Cancer. It was a year ago this week (when I was in Hawaii) that I was feeling very fatigued and started having the arm pains which turned out to be swollen lymph nodes on a nerve. Amazing how things can change in a year.

Cancer Free

My Petscan results are in and on May 17th, my Oncologist confidently told me that I was Cancer Free. It was music to my ears and the best thing anyone could have said to me. What a huge relief and weight that was lifted off me that day. We both agreed it was also time to end the clinical trial that I was doing since I was still getting sick from what I believed to be the chemo I was still doing. Now my body is resting and trying to heal from all the trauma it has been through. Next step is surgery. I have an appt with the surgeon on Wednesday, June 2nd to discuss the timeline.

I took a few days and went to Little Rock for my niece's graduation and then we went to Mexico for a week. It was an "I kicked Cancer's Ass" vacation. We have all been through alot this year and welcomed the change of scenery. It was the first time I have gotten away since this all began. We just got back yesterday and I am exhausted but it was worth it. I am hoping to try and slip in one more getaway before my surgery because I know I will be homebound for awhile.

Race For The Cure

Yesterday was a great day and the rain could not keep us away! The Race For The Cure was postponed 30 minutes due to weather but the turnout was amazing. Team Robyn- a.k.a. Robyn's Runners/Robyn's Entourage still managed to represent well. We raised $2160 for Susan G Komen RFTC. Our team (which had the best team shirts in the race) had representation in each race and Buffy (Brian Bode's dog) won at Bark For The Cure. I had never been more proud and more humbled at the same time knowing that all of these people had come out (even in the pouring rain) to celebrate with me while benefiting a cause that is so important to me and my family. Of course most of us walked the 5k but we had some that slept in for the cure, 2 5K runners, several that donated to the cause, and our sweet Buffy was in Bark for the cure. I was so touched to see my friend Lori, who stood in the rain waiting for me after running 3.1 miles, so we could cross the finish line together. Alex ran ahead of me with Kaitlyn's teacher Mrs. Ford so he finished before us. When I crossed the finish line, my sweet son (who has a heart of gold) handed me 2 pink carnations. I am not real sure how I held it together then because every time I think about it-it makes me cry! As we were leaving the finish line area, a man stopped us and asked where we got the flowers? He said he needed one for a little girl who was waiting for her mother to finish. Without hesitation I gave him one of my flowers. By then-most teams had finished and alot of people had left due to the rain that had started again. I turned around and a girl thanked me (she was probably Kaitlyn's age). She had tears in her eyes because she was the girl that needed the flower. Her twin sister had a flower to give to her mom but she didnt. All I could think about was what those girls had been going through while their mom was sick and how sweet it was that they stood in the rain waiting for her to cross. I can only hope that they have as much support by their friends, family, and their amazing teachers as my kids did while I was sick.

Now that the race is over, it is back to reality. I have chemo again tomorrow. This will be the 3rd clinical trial study since my chemo officially ended. I am gaining strength back and have more energy every day. I try to walk 2-3 miles a day even though I am still having side effects from the chemo. My muscles ache and my back is suffering from it. Thank goodness for massages and chiropractic care.

Thank you-Thank you-Thank you to all the wonderful people in my life.

It Is Official.......I AM A SURVIVOR

I am done with chemo! My last round was Friday-March 5th. I was surrounded by the love of many friends and family that sat with me and watched as the last drop of poison entered my body and they took the needle out one last time. I still cant believe I did it. I Actually did it! I am shocked. I can honestly say I did not think I had what it took to complete the chemo. I watched people (young and old) come and go. Some didn't make it....some chose to stop.... some are still there....and I finished. Week after week I went and endured the chemo process and the sickness that would follow. After going through 2 surgeries, 20 grueling weeks of torture that saved my life, 16 rounds of chemo, 18 blood draws, 1 ER visit, 1 blood transfusion, MRI's, MUGA Scans and Ultrasounds, a lot of sleepless nights, numerous DR visits, infections, and medications given with a stack of paid bills and receipts to prove it-I have earned the right to say I am a Survivor.

I am still involved in the Clinical Trial and will do that every 3 weeks until October. My nose is still bleeding so I may stop earlier if we can't get the nosebleeds under control. Following the Clinical Trial, I will have the double Mastectomy with reconstruction as well as a hysterectomy. When all of this is over-I should be as good as new.

For now-I will focus on gaining my strength back and enjoying life as I did before all of this happened. Looking forward to bad hair days and working out to get my body back in shape.

More updates later.

So Close-I can taste it!!!!

What a beautiful thing it is to realize I only have 1 more treatment left and then I am finished. It almost seems surreal since it has been such a huge part of my life since Aug. '09. Proud to say that Bryan and I have remained strong in our love for each other as well as ensuring a smooth adjustment for the kids during all of this. Looking back and remembering what it was like in the beginning is very emotional for me because of what I had to endure, for what Bryan and the kids had to go through by watching it all and not being able to do anything about it, and all the people that will go through it next. I am so glad to know that we can all look back and be thankful we made it and are better and stronger for it.

Just had my weekly treatment today and was surrounded and entertained (literally) by 3 great friends and a wonderful husband. I feel so lucky to have such great people in my life that support me and love me during what seemed to be the hardest time in my life. Had a good week this week and last. Nosebleeds are still under control but not gone completely. Had a little bit of the body aches, heartburn, and was tired easily but I skipped my daily nap this week and kept myself busy with working and running errands. My taste buds checked out and no longer work. Everything tastes the same now-like cardboard with different textures. Good news is I have not gained weight in almost 2 weeks. This will be a good time to start on the diet since I haven't been eating alot. Problem is I am still eating things that are not good for me. I find myself still eating the bad foods even though I can't taste it.....I just tell myself I used to like it so it must be good! Dr says taste buds probably wont come back until mid April. I am hoping he is shooting high because I LOVE to eat.

I am hoping this week is as good as last week and that it goes by quickly. I am so ready for next Friday. Bring It On!

T.G.I.F.

Its been a good week for me and my labwork proved it today. Best blood count I have had since I started all the chemo treatments. Other than being exhausted from the meds and the constant nose bleeds, I am doing well on Taxol. Not sure if I mentioned it but my hair is starting to grow back and 2 more treatments and I am finished-AMEN to that!!!!!!!!!!!

Because of the nosebleeds, I have not been able to do the clinical study that I am on. One of the side effects was nose bleeding and guess what-I have had it! My Dr. sent me to see an ENT this week to see about cauterizing my nose to help with the nose bleeds. The ENT Dr. ended up just giving me some spray and a gel to help slow it down and cleaned out my nose with a long tube. Sounds kinda gross but he numbed it first so it did not hurt. It has definitely helped but not stopped it completely.

Had a treatment today and it went well. Plan on spending the weekend at home and ensuring my counts stay where they are. I just hate that I have to miss alot of the fun things (parties, events, dinners, etc.) for fear of germs. I am sure I will make it up to everyone this summer when I am better.

The End Is Near

Just a few more weeks and I am finished. Actually hard to believe that I have endured 15 weeks of chemo with only 5 more treatments to go. When I was told 20 weeks of chemo-it seemed like a lifetime. Amazing how time has gone by (although not because it was fun).

Had a few weeks of a rough patch with aches and pains that we could not explain which meant a trip to the hospital but nothing serious. Turned out to be the port has shifted and the rest was chalked up to side effects of the chemo. They put me on prednisone for the pain. Good thing we are almost done because the port will come out as soon as I complete my last round of chemo. D Day is March 5th. Also, still having the nosebleeds. I should invest stock in Kleenex at the rate I am going. Other than aches, bone pains, nose bleeds, and lack of energy, this new regimen of Taxol has been manageable. A 30 min trip to Wal Mart or Target is exhausting and then I usually have to take a nap. Some due to the fact that I have no energy and some due to the fact I dont sleep at night. I cant wait until this is over and I am laying on the beach with a good book. I am going to sleep for a week.

Another round of chemo is scheduled for this Friday. I am sad that I will have to miss the kid's Valentine's parties at school. Alex is pretty bummed about it since it is the first party I have ever missed. He was hoping I could still make it-depends on how I feel after my treatment....I am such a sucker and dont want to see him sad. I am looking forward to seeing who comes to visit me at the chemo store this week. I have great friends ("my entourage" as some refer to them as) who have surprised me weekly with their smiling faces. Sure makes it fun-well as fun as it can be for the chemo store. Thanks Dee, Cheridyth, Sheila, Cherie, Christy, Van, Matt, Lisa, Oma, and of course Bryan. Your support means the world to me!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, a big thank you to my Elm Tree Elementary family. Looks like a team is being formed for the cancer walk/Run in April that will be in my honor. I am deeply touched by what everyone is doing to help support me and the cure for cancer.

The Ugly Truth

It has been awhile since I have blogged. Simply stated-I got bored with all the "Matter of Fact" blogs that I have been writing. I have spent the last 6 months telling everyone exactly what I have been going through at each dr appoint, treatment, and viruses that I have caught-but I have left out alot of the emotional aspect of "how I am really doing" due to the many details that I thought needed to be shared. I was telling a friend how I really felt the other day and she said the strangest thing......."Why don't you blog it"!

Having only 8 more treatments to go and already enduring 12 weeks of this madness, I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Then its onto the next phase which is surgery and reconstruction starting at the end of March. I am so ready for it to all be over and be able to move on. I still hibernate all the time due to low immune system and fear of getting sick but the other reason is I am still uncomfortable with all the stares I feel I get. It is still odd for me that I "look different" not to mention feel different. I didn't change styles with my real hair/looks for the same reason so why should I feel comfortable with the change now? Add on the excessive water weight/weight gain and I feel I am almost unrecognizable in my own skin. I have not weighed this much since I was 9 months pregnant. I wish it did not bother me-but it does. I know it sounds superficial and I should not worry about it right now but it is hard not to when when your face and body hurts so bad from being swollen due to all the water that has invaded my body. I have gained 25 lbs since Oct so you could only imagine what it is like when none of your clothes fit and everyone tells you how great you look. REALLY!!!!!

So-that is how I really feel today. Had my appt. today for lab work before the next poison session and the dr. assures me all of this will go away when I am done and how he is so proud of me. How could he be proud of me-I dont have a choice in the matter but to keep showing up. The nose bleeds, the body pains, the weight gain, lack of sleep due to steroids, the constant worry about what would happen next or what side effect would be in my future (it is like Christmas and you never know what you are going to get). And yet I continue to get up each day and conquer whatever it is that stands in my way.

Maybe this was the reason I stayed away from my actual feelings vs what was really happening. OK-I feel better now.